In other news, I’m on my way to having my peace of mind. We’ve finally talked. But I’m still a little bit too frustrated. Hopefully we improve… and improve… and improve. Jesus Christ HELP.
It’s cool somehow to know my mom has an opinion on something about by life. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER, she objects to something that I may want in life and I find that NEW and fascinating.
What is that? Jesus Christ, she doesn’t want me to get back with Austin!
At least now, I feel like she cares about me for once. You kids don’t know how nice it feels to have your parents dictate something in your life. At least you know they have something planned for you, and they’re showing you they know what’s best for you. Although I really love my parents always allowing us to do what we want and choose for ourselves. But they always never seem to not have an opinion.
Anyway. This is so cool. <3 My life is improving because of this break-up.
My biggest fear is not her leaving. Or her being with another. My biggest fear is her forgetting about me and forgetting everything we had.
Pain makes me grow. Growing is what I want. Therefore, for me, pain is pleasure.
Grabe sobrang sakit. Sobrang bigat ng puso ko. Ginawa ko naman lahat pero bakit hindi enough. Grabe. Malala na ‘to.
Iyak lang ako ng iyak simula kahapon. Hindi ako umiyak nung mismong araw na nag-break kami pero ever since yesterday morning, after niya ipamukha sakin na ipinagtatabuyan niya ako, that’s when I really cried. All this time I’m just crying myself out, screaming my lungs out off my pillow. My mother doesn’t even mind me anymore.
Sumasaglit saglit sa isipan ko yung i-end na lang lahat ‘to. Just cut myself, or drink all the vitamins and medicine here. May Zonrox pa yata dito. I still haven’t taken the idea of killing myself off of my mind.
Now, I’m just really trying to convince myself na everything will be fine. “I will live, MAHABA PA ANG BUHAY KO.” I am young and beautiful. I’m still working on my body though but I’m sexy as hell. Many guys will want me. Probably better than this last guy. They will obviously be better than this last guy because I think nobody will ever be worse than him. He was the worst boyfriend ever. Not just for me, pero sa lahat ng na-meet kong may karelasyon na lalaki. Malala talaga ‘to.
Once a cheater always a cheater talaga.
Pero anyway, good thing about him is he’s man enough to lead me to breaking up with him. YES BITCHES. I DUMPED THE GUY. He’s man enough to admit that he can’t keep the relationship anymore because he knows he’s not ready. It’s true. Hindi porke matanda ka na, mature ka na sa pag-ibig. Hindi porke bata ka, wala ka pang alam. There is no such thing as the right age to fall in love.
Ako? Ngayon. Mostly Galit. Pero ayoko na nang ganito. I want peace of mind. I want to move on with my life. I’ve been a really nice girlfriend. Yes I wasn’t perfect but I gave him my all. Pero wala e. Manhid e.
Lesson learned, hindi na ako magmamahal ng sobra. I remember telling him a few days after we were officially together, “Hahayaan kong ma-fall ako sayo ah.” Telling him na I will trust him with all of my heart ne hindi niya ‘to ibe-break. Pero anong nangyari? Nasan kami ngayon?
Anyway, here I go SINGLE LIFE. But I can feel my heart getting stronger. No more douchebag guys. NO MORE LOWERING MY STANDARDS.
THIS IS MY BLOG AND I CAN SAY WHAT I WANT, BITCHES! Deal with it.
So what’s new? I bought a planner yesterday. Austin came with me to find one. Since it was valentines day, I guess that was kind of a date. We rode the jeepney to the mall and I got to sleep on his shoulder. It was 4pm (I think) so it was really hot. Sleeping beside him with my head…
So ayon, nilambing na nga ako ng boyfriend ko FINALLY. Kaso alam niyo kung papano? Kiniliti ako ng kiniliti, naiiyak na nga ako e para akong tinotorture. Literally naisip ko kanina katapusan ko na. Sabi ko pa nga sa sarili ko baka mapanaginipan ko yung feeling, kinda like pag buong araw ka nagswimming tapos hanggang sa paghiga mo sa kama nagli-linger pa rin yung feeling na nakalutang ka sa tubig. Grabe talaga kanina.
Nanlambing nga papatayin naman ako sa kiliti.
Pero okay lang, lambing pa rin. Sweet na rin. Hay nako kakaiba talaga tong boypren ko. Pero masaya ako swear. At least ginawa niya yun. Sana lagi siyang ganun pero sana wag nanaman ako matuluyan.
PRAISE DA LORD HALELUYA!